Being a surrogate can be one of the most rewarding things a person does. There are many reasons to feel good about giving the gift of life to another family, and it helps to get a real preview of the process before you begin.
Alongside a good support group of caring people and professionals, books do a wonderful job of preparing anyone going through surrogacy for the first time. Once you decide to become a gestational carrier, or to grow your family through surrogacy, it is worth gathering a few good books on surrogacy to read along the way.
If you are like me, once you decide to do this, you want to learn everything you can about it. So here are the books I recommend most, for surrogates and intended parents alike. My list includes deep studies, real-life stories, and titles that show the journey from more than one point of view.
It is wise to arm yourself with as much information as possible before any major life journey, and surrogacy is no exception. Here are two of the most powerful books for surrogates.
1. “Labor of Love: Gestational Surrogacy and the Work of Making Babies,” by Heather Jacobson
If you want an academic-style book that covers every aspect of surrogacy, Jacobson’s Labor of Love is an excellent read. It is a full study of surrogacy, and it explores how gestational carriers see themselves and the work of carrying someone else’s child to term.
The author covers the medical and scientific side of reproduction without getting too technical. She also writes in a way that invites you to understand the complex feelings surrogates experience from the moment they decide to take this on. What I enjoyed most is how readable it is while still covering nearly every side of surrogacy, both the ethical questions and the practical ones. You will want to keep it as a reference once you finish.
2. “Birthing a Mother: The Surrogate Body and the Pregnant Self,” by Elly Teman
Want to understand the emotional side of surrogacy? Few books go as deep as Birthing a Mother. There is a special relationship that develops between an intended mother and her surrogate, and this book truly explores the emotions that rise, settle, and rise again throughout the surrogacy process.
Women grow close in a way that is almost hard to describe, and Teman captures exactly what that is like. If you are wondering whether surrogacy is right for you, this is a must-read. Too many books on this subject leave out the intense emotions that are part of the experience, and this one puts them front and center.
Some of the best books on surrogacy are written for intended parents. Here are a few of my favorites.
1. “Surrogacy Was the Way: Twenty Intended Mothers Tell Their Stories,” by Zara Griswold
Surrogacy Was the Way gives you a full dose of real-life surrogacy stories. Twenty intended mothers share the truth of their journeys, the good, the hard, and everything in between. The book offers real hope to women who, for many different reasons, learn they cannot carry a child themselves. Every one of the twenty eventually found her way to surrogacy.
I came away with a deeper appreciation for motherhood, persistence, and love. If you have ever wondered why so many women will go to the ends of the earth to have a child, you will find at least part of the answer in Griswold’s heartfelt book.
2. “Everything Conceivable,” by Liza Mundy
If you want the full picture of the surrogacy medical process, this book has you covered. It includes interviews with physicians, donors, gestational carriers, and intended parents. The best part, for me, was the personal stories, which give you a well-rounded view of what the process is really like.
Mundy is a professional journalist who knows how to draw honest answers out of people. You will be surprised how open her subjects are, and how personal surrogacy turns out to be. The book delivers the science and the emotion side by side.
3. “The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy Is Transforming the American Family,” by Leslie Morgan Steiner
This one steps back and looks at surrogacy across the country, following one couple’s journey while tracing how surrogacy is reshaping what American families look like. It is a good pick not just for intended parents but for the friends and family who want to understand and support them.
No two readers are alike, so choose any of these books on surrogacy that speak to you, whether you are just deciding or already on your journey as a gestational carrier or intended parent. Do not be afraid to mix in a novel or two, even if you usually prefer nonfiction.
Any list of the best books on surrogacy reflects the taste of the person who made it, so venture out and find titles beyond this one as well. There are plenty to choose from. Reading about surrogacy is one of the quieter pleasures of the journey, a way to inform and encourage yourself along the path.
If reading has you thinking about taking the next step, we would be glad to help. Learn more about becoming a surrogate, explore our services for intended parents, or schedule a consultation whenever you are ready to talk.
